I really don't have a good feeling about this. Chalk it up to PG hormones maybe, but I just have this feeling like my numbers are actually decreasing. I have no symptoms today. No cramps, sore boobs, headaches, etc. I hate this!
Sometimes I have to wonder why good people have to go through such horrible things. It's not like I didn't suffer through years of infertility - now I have to deal with this? I know I'm supposed to remain positive. I just can't right now. I'm sorry!
I can't help but think of all the problems that could arrise (thanks to google and negative stories) - how the hell am I supposed to cope with that? We can't do another IVF - EVER! We don't have that kind of money. I'm so scared to think that the end of our journey is here - at age 24. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mother, who knows.
I'm really praying for a miracle and I pray my numbers double... but at this point - it's hard to have hope. It's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel when you've had such a bumpy ride. I wish I could get PG and actually think about bringing a baby home - but I'm not that lucky. No, instead I suffer from infertility = constant doubt, worry and fear.
I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being irration - but take a walk in my shoes and then you'll understand.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Posted by Angie at 10:21 AM
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6 comments:
Oh Angie! I'm so sorry hun. Keep your chin up even though it may be hard. Thinking of you. Big hugs!
Praying praying praying. I can tell you not to worry, but you won't listen anyway so I'll spare you!!
60 is a good number, just try to keep busy busy busy until Monday so you can't think about it too much!
I'll hold the hope for both of us right now, and don't worry about the sytmpoms, they come and go in the beginning.
Angie~You're not being irrational! I'm so sorry your path to motherhood has been a long, bumpy one.
I know you say you don't have a good feeling about this, but keep in mind you are so very newly pregnant and hcg can be kind of crazy sometimes.
Maybe you're not meant to carry a baby, but that does not mean you're not meant to be a mother. If you do not get good news on Monday you cry, scream, curse...get it all out. Then, let yourself heal, and when you two are ready, start exploring other options, or take a few years to save money for another try. The upside to being 24 is you have time on yourside....don't lose hope, something WILL work out sooner or later!
You are definately not being irritating -- that's what the blog is for. I have taken a walk in your shoes so I do understand. It is awful and unfair. Things are so out of your control and that is not a fun place to be. It is sooooooooooooo hard to want something so badly and have such a difficult time getting it.
I will tell you that I felt the same exact way between by 2 beta results --(my doctor DID NOT tell me the first results -- she thinks it's a bad idea because the first result is less important than the fact that the number is increasing by the second)
It is impossible to relax I know but do try to remain positive -- 60 is a good number !!!!!!!!
I had no symptoms either -- and you see my end results. I had no symptoms throughout my twin pregnancy so that does not mean you are not pregnant. Cramps are a good thing NOT to have right -- that could mean trouble.
I am thinking about you and can't wait for your positive confirmation on Monday -- sam
Hey ang, its majestixangel. Just think positive. I'm kinda going through the same with the beta numbers. My beta at 13dpo was 12 and 15dpo 23. So I'm kinda scared also. I hope your numbers double. Good luck~!~
Way to be positive Jaime, I'm sure Angie feels so much more relieved now!!
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