Oh how I love Sundays... NOT! I feel lazy and gross because I did nothing today! =(
It's cold, *very* rainy, and I took a 3 hour afternoon nap! I'm not going to be able to fall asleep tonight... I hate my mild insomnia - it really puts a damper on such a nice thing as sleep.
Oh and about sleep - Mike had his sleep study the other night and it is finally confirmed that he does have obstructive sleep apnea. The report also noted that he thrashes his legs a lot... 67 TIMES in a matter of 4 hours! Now do you people see why I'm tired all the time! I need like full body defensive gear just to go to bed some nights. Oh well, after the first of the year he will get fitted for the cpap machine and hopefully that will solve a lot of our problems. I say he just needs to bite the freaking bullet and get his tonsils out and repair the deviated septum. That would solve a lot of MY problems! =)
The RE also called me on Friday afternoon to let me know the results of the morphology/motility they ran on Mike (from the sample he provided for the IUI). She said the morphology is only 4.5%! They like it between 5-14% for IUI's and truly 5 is still pushing it for too low. His motility was only 33% and as you all know...his count did go down as well. Basically (with direct orders from the RE) Mike had to see an urologist very soon. If he has a varicocele and we wasted ALL this time (and money) - them I'm going to be very upset! He has this attitude sometimes like nothing is wrong with him...like the #'s aren't too bad.. I just want him to realize that it's not HIS fault - but they are freaking bad - accept it, deal with it, and let's move on! I know my ovaries suck the big one - but I'm not pretending like they don't.. I accepted it years ago and now I'm doing something about it! I just wish sometimes he would too. He thinks I'm mad at him b/c of his issues... I'm not mad that his sperm are rejects.. but I'm mad at him for not acting like he cares!! (See, he thinks that I'm irrational when saying this because he says he cares soooo much!) I guess girls and guys are from different planets and I just can't see it. I'll never understand men...never. I have this idea of how he should be acting if he truly cares...and he's not acting like that.. Oh well. Sorry for my rant.
Well, I'm off to watch my favorite Sunday night show - Desperate Housewives! Yay!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Posted by Angie at 8:34 PM
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3 comments:
I think it is so different for men and women. For us women, we can just accept that something is wrong and deal with it, but for men it is such a blow to their ego for lack of a better word that they would rather ignore it than admit it and move on. Admitting it to them means challenging their masculinity and therefore self-worth. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what it is. And on top of it all I wonder if he feels like he is letting you down b/c he cannot give you the one thing that you want so much, I know that Sean felt that way even though their were issues on both sides for us. No answers, just hugs. I wonder if it would be helpful for Mike to talk to someone who has been in his same shoes?
And OMG, I just now watched Desperate Housewives, tears running down my face and mouth gaping wide open, Olivia looked at me like I was nuts. They better not leave us hanging on account of the writers strike!
Ah! Sorry Ang..men just have a hard time showing feelings sometimes. It doesn't help thou when they always think they are right. Sooo soooo glad he did the sleep test, hopefully he'll get the cpap and not only will you feel better but he'll probably feel like a new person waking up every morning. Ha, ha! I'm speaking from experience. ;-) Bill's cpap is the best thing EVER!! Hang in there! Hopefully this IUI did the trick and you won't have to worry about spermies for a while!! Praying!!
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