Isn't it funny, no one will speak with you until you pay up! I had some general questions regarding IVF for the RE's nurse and she kept jumping around the topic and then finally said, "Well once you get your down payment in we'll be able to answer all your questions!" WHAT? I could ask general questions, but none pertaining to my actual cycle and medications, etc. It was actually sort of funny to me!

After some issues with our credit union, we have finally made the $8,075 down payment to the office and I got "the call" today to go over everything. She said that my prescription for bcp's and antiobiotics were put in the mail and I should get them any day. She also said that Mike's frozen sample was good enough for ICSI just in case we needed to use it.. I don't think we will, just their way of getting another $200 from us! Nah... actually I'm glad they require it, what if Mike was sick or goodness... couldn't give the sample! LOL It's a great backup - I would hate for all those meds to go to waste - I would probably lose it!!

So, we're definately on our way. It seems so surreal and I know you'll probably hear me say that phrase about another 500 times over the next few weeks.. but it truly is. I hope that we are fortunate for it to work on our first try, but I know that we only have a 40% chance success rate. It's better than nothing, but puts things into perspective - that's for sure. We will do whatever it takes... but for this year - this is our ONE shot. We're not poor, but we're not made of money and paying 100% out of pocket is so scary for us. The risk is great, but the reward is greater.

Sometimes I feel that my problems with infertility are so small compared to others. Things really made me think last week when a friend of mine was killed in Iraq. Can you imagine his family, they have lost their son. I may not have a child, but I also have nothing to lose. My hurt due to empty arms is so great, but I don't think it could ever even compare to losing a child. He was 26 years old, so young - so much life left to live. It really opens your eyes.

We have his viewing on Friday and his funeral is at the high school on Saturday. I'll be going with a bunch of our classmates and it's going to be tough. I haven't seen Mike since high school but it doesn't mean we weren't friends. He was the type of person who left a lasting impression on your life. His smile was what he was known for... you can't forget it. He was such a positive person! He was on his 2nd tour in Iraq and wanted to be there. He wanted to fight for our country, for his family. That was what he felt he was supposed to do - and that is why he'll always be remembered as a hero. Please pray for his family and friends - they definately need it right now.